the memoir

it's time for me to take a step back in life to understand what has happened and been done by me this year. Many memories to reminisce about, good and bad. Taking time to appreciate what was, has and is in and past me in this current state of life. i am thankful to everyone around me that make my life bursting with momentous memories. l'chaim.

I have to learn to let go.
I have to learn to trust others.
I have to stop being so skeptical.
I have to stop scrutinizing everything.
I have to learn to let new things into my life.

wat-eva~

i have really short attention span for most things in life. but not all, i hope.

a classifying phrase or name applied to something. why can't we just live in a 'label-free' society? wouldn't that make everything simpler and less drama. if and only if.

fuck teaching at the gym. i'm going to start looking for a job in the hospitality industry, and over my dead body will I ever teach another class ever again.

i did it again.

for better or worst. that's one thing I've been doing lately. why? so I can manifest myself to the world am fine and still surviving, or just to substantiate my hoax mettlesome to you?

me:     hey, that guy is kinda cute.
ade2:  hello, he is at most 18!
me:     ya, whats the big deal?
ade2:  er..
me:     OMG, I am 22 already. gosh... that makes me a pedophile.
ade2:  ya..

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conclusion: I am already in my early twenties and I still could not accept the fact! *faint*

3 months down the road, I've finally crossed over to the road not taken since 3 months ago. It's going to be a whole new dynamics we are creating with what ever was left, except clearer boundaries were drawn this time.

the day you asked me to keep in touch and remain close. I thought you mean it, and guess am wrong again. why? is that one year means nothing to you?

I don't know yet I know.
I miss him.
I need to sort out some stuff with myself.
I need to have a talk with him.
I'm sorry.

last day as a 21 yo. i think i should just kill myself and die now. weird ass feeling i tell u. It just occur to me, I actually haven't feel like a 21 yo, and im turning fucking 22 in 24 hours time. wtf?! 22.... seriously? think its about time to act my age. =(

how important can one's ex be in his life after the break up?
is it acceptable for him to be moving to another country for his ex?
is it acceptable when so much said, none happened, and ended up him helping his ex to look for a new place, and spent the whole week apartment hunting, furniture shopping with his ex?
is it acceptable not to pick up his current partner's call and tell him the next day he is busy helping packing and will call him next week?
come on, for fuck sake. you are much older than me, don't you know by now you can't have it all?
and no, I'm not as nice as your ex, I won't be able to put up with your shit like how your ex are able to.
if you are moving back to where you left it before. well, you will be losing something, and you already did.
Nevertheless, meeting you on the 16th of March 2008 till the day you decided to break up with me was the best time I ever had in my life.
I'm no longer capable of waiting any longer. I don't see myself any happier being with you. And it was a big mistake of mine getting back together with you.
But as mentioned on my previous blog entry, "I don't know what I'm feeling any longer. I know I still have a thing for you. I know we are just going to leave thing as it is. But ultimately I know if that one thing happens, please forget me and let me move on."
And it did. Am going to miss you. but that's life, I have to move on myself, because you already did.

should i do it?